I Hate Gluten and Gluten Hates Me

So it is almost 10:30pm on a Tuesday night and at some point during dinner I ate something that had gluten in it. I can always tell when it happens b/c the symptoms come on fast and they come on strong.

The first thing I notice when I eat something with gluten in it is the stomach pain & discomfort. The next thing I notice is the severe nausea and then the rest of my body starts to ache & that is only the beginning. 

Shortly after the initial pain in my stomach I start to get itchy all over. My skin feels like sandpaper and no amount of lotion helps. Then the spasms start, first in my stomach and then it radiates all over my back. I now realize that all my spasms that I was getting steroid injections for each and every month are all b/c of gluten and my issues with my digestive system. The sad part is the doctors are still not supportive and think that I am just a hypochondriac. Well let me tell you after 2 years of being told "nothing is wrong with you," accusations of being a drug seeker and basically telling me it is all in my head the doctors can SUCK IT! Because if this is in my head than how come it feels like I have the flu? How come I don't have pain and discomfort when I don't consume Wheat, Gluten or anything else that my body cannot process. Why is it that I've lost nearly 30lbs in 3 months and how come I just feel better all around? Oh that's right b/c it is in my head so I must have willed my body to feeling better. What a crock of shit!

This is not fun and it does not go away quickly. Why the doctors are so against treating and diagnosing me is beyond my realm of thinking? They seem to want me to admit to being depressed and they want me to say I don't deal with something very painful. Do you know how many times a doctor has said that I need to see a psychiatrist? I am so sick of doctors labeling me "depressed" b/c I have a voice and I know what is wrong with me and your western medicine had NOTHING to do with it. I know my body and I know I am NOT DEPRESSED. I was last year when I could not eat and I threw up every single time I did eat. Yea that would make you sad and depressed too but that does not mean I am "clinically" depressed no it means I was malnourished and had no one believe me that something was seriously wrong with me. I could go on and on about this (and have) but it won't make a difference b/c until doctors realize how bad of an epidemic this food sensitivity/allergy is, nothing will change. They will do anything other than look at something as simple as a food allergy. They will do every test and every procedure before just testing for an allergy. NO it can't be that simple can it? Well it is... I don't need all these "tests" to tell me what is wrong with me. I figured it out all on my own. Anyway, back to consuming gluten and what it does to me...

Memories: The Good, The Bad, & even The Crazy ones...

Have you ever been talking to someone about nothing in particular and POOF a memory flashes into your mind? Sometimes it is a fleeting memory that goes as quickly as it comes; but other times it brings you back to the day/time that it happened? I love those memories and I've been having more and more of them lately. Now I do not remember specific days & times (ah no I'm not that good) but I can usually remember the year sometimes even the month that it occurred. I can do this because I associate everything with something; for instance--before or after cancer? Was it cold or hot when it happened? Who was I dating at the time? Little things like that help me remember the details of said memory. The more I practice it, the more clearer the memories have become. Also since I went gluten free and am actually digesting my food; my brain isn't quite as foggy (though my brain and body are still not in sync DRIVES ME BATSHIT CRAZY ACK) as it had been for the last few years. (I have to say after the throwing up and feeling nauseous all the time, having the foggy brain and not being able to articulate my thoughts was by far the 2nd worst part of being sick and not knowing what was going on with me) 

Anyway, I was texting a friend this evening and we were talking about a guy she likes at work which got us talking about how she could catch his interest. Well the conversation went from constructive and actual things to do; to downright dirty and kind of hysterical. So this silly conversation I was having with my friend brought me back to high school when my best friend MC and I would write stories that we kept in a spiral notebook. It has been a long time since I thought about those stories and so wish I had just one of the notebooks we wrote them in.

I don't remember how it started but I do remember MC loved to write and so did I. We both kept diaries from a young age and we were both HUGE NKOTB fans. Yes people I was (ok who am I kidding I still love me some Donnie Wahlberg not ashamed to say it. HAHA) a huge New Kids on the Block fan and we both had bought everything you could imagine that was NKOTB. My room was literally covered in posters (I'm talking including the ceiling). You could not see a mm of white in my room. I even had posters hanging straight down from my ceiling because I no longer had space to lay them flat. It was rather insane but hey I am a loyal person (still am probably too loyal) and I was going to show my love/loyalty for them (haha I laugh now thinking about all the time & money that was spent on this but hey that's what we do when we are teenagers right?)

I had dedicated my entire room to this boy band (oh Maurice Starr you were a genius) and my favorite one of the bunch was of course Donnie Wahlberg. MC loved Jonathon Knight (never quite understood that one but her & I NEVER had the same taste in guys. So it was one thing we never had to worry about fighting over LOL). But I digress I was madly, deeply in (what a 14/15 year old thinks is) love with Donnie W. and was convinced from 14 to about 16 that I BGG would meet and marry him. Oh I had it all planned out but that's not what this post is about. Btw I did end up meeting Donnie about 5-6 years ago and I have to say he is truly a nice guy and I have an awesome picture. I will tell you all about my NKOTB & DW obsession later. HAHA I'd definitely say I was obsessed but what teenage girl isn't obsessed with some star heck before NKOTB & DW I was in love with Corey Haim (do you see a trend yup I have always loved me the bad boy not the nice guy. Sadly up until VERY recently I still wanted what I call the bad boy reformed haha no such thing ladies---see one of those tangents I warned you about)

The Simple Things in Life - TV Shows, Celebrity Gossip, Bravo Channel, Chatting on Social Media, Cellphones

Do you ever think about the simple things in life? The things we have, do or use everyday that are "insignificant" to most but make your life happy and sometimes even easier. I've been thinking about those things lately and I've come to realize one person's insignificant thing really can be someone else's salvation, stress reliever or just plain old guilty pleasure and NO ONE should make you, me or anyone else feel bad because we like something that they consider "stupid", "childish", or "a waste of time". Who are they to judge me or what I have, do or like? They are  (as I like to call them) The Nay Sayers. Thankfully I have now dropped most all of them out of my life; these last few months. During what I can only call My Journey and let me tell you it is the BEST thing I have done for MYSELF so far. 

That is the key right there "MYSELF". Why is it that any time we try to do something for ourselves we are immediately labeled, "selfish", "greedy", "inconsiderate" or my favorite "lazy". I do not understand when or where it became a bad thing to take time for yourself & to actually be okay with whatever you want to do, see or have. This is especially true for women and most of all for Mothers.